If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
