thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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