I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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I just found puke in my bra..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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