Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
