Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
