Having a random hookup so left but love u
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
