You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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