soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
