Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
