I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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