You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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