Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
