i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
