Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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