Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
this beer tastes like vomit already
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
