I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize