His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
