I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
