thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
