it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
