I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
