hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
