So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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