I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
