So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
two words: eviction party
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
