Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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