I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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