i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize