im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
