i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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