literally had 100 drinks last night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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