I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
