You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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