i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
