I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
