Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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