too bad you live with your parents still
well you can't waste a boner
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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