Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
