I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
