if you like me you must not know who I am
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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