My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
