ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
