Your dad touched me again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
