If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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