Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
