HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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