i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
