He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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