so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
