Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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