I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
