i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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