Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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