So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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