how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
