Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
