take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
