she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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