so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
