After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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