i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
