Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
