u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
