Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
