Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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