Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Enjoy the penises
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
