Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
