Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
