I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
