I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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