Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
