well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
