Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
