absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
