I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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