remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
