sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
