How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
